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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Ordering Pizza in 2008

This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008 that
we're not sure how funny this really is...

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email
address is sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice .

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized one's, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while
you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.
Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the
State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.

See also:


At 1:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is the most funny yet scary i have ever read.please have that joke out.

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